My Uni bag is trying to kill me !

Stress can bring out somewhat extreme tendencies in us. Or rather, it can make perfectly ordinarily pre-existing qualities somewhat… dramatic ? For instance, I am someone who gets so wrapped up attending to the pageantry and socio-political crisis occurring between waring fractions in ‘Laura Land’, that I can be truly oblivious to general everyday care and organisation. This can be quite endearing. For example, going through a whole day without realising that I had taken beauty pointers from ‘The Joker’ and spread dark red lipstick all across my cheek like war paint. (sidenote; why did nobody bother to tell me ? I ONLY NOTICED FROM THE GLARE OF MY COMPUTER SCREEN ! Do people just EXPECT these things of me now ?)

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Exhibit A.

With a weather forecast of mid terms on the horizon (expect heavy showers of assessment accompanied with boiling temperatures of brain frying stress), I admit, I have let myself go even more than usual. In a stress driven delirium I have not been kind to myself. And judging by the disproving “hmmmm…” of my massage therapist friend as she lay her hands on the broken remains of what maybe was once my back, the crippling weight of my uni bag is to blame.

This is what it looked like when I got home today –

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I didn’t really notice how careless I had become in my luggage organisation in recent weeks. I didn’t realise how much junk I had just shoved in there under the assumption that it was some black hole vortex to another dimension, swallowing everything placed out of sight and out of mind. This is hard to believe really, as carrying it on the bus this morning I resembled a life hardened Alp Sherpa, and I can safely estimate that it weighed somewhere between 8kg – the weight of a semitrailer carrying a family of live killer whales…. somewhere between there.

Always the over packer anyway, I have allowed the situation with my bag to get out of hand (pun intended ?) I need to do something about this. So my friends, what treasures lie forgotten in my bag ? What secrets to my soul does it hold in its many zippered depths ? Join me as I unpack these mysteries and more in ‘WHAT’S IN THE UNI BAG?”

Books:  2 fiction (‘Grand Budapest Hotel Screenplay’ and ‘The Goldfinch’) to keep myself occupied in case something apocalyptic happens and my phone runs out of data on the shuttle bus – What am I meant to do ? Make conversation with people ? Pffft !

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Random bits of paper – 1 speech script. 2 politically affiliated pamphlets (accepted in fear and quickly discarded). 1 theatre ticket. 1 self assessment. 1 sheet of ‘ theme park student discounts’ expired as of June earlier this year.

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Beauty and Miscellaneous – 1 pair of flip-flops (not mine, too big, may have been left by friend at New Years party @Amelia ?) 1 party sparkler and 1 block of blue Duplo (the lame version of lego) context unknown.  3 lip glosses. 1 pot of nail polish. 1 pair of sunglasses (also not mine). 1 pair of earphones. 1 random bit of pink ribbon. 1 majestic looking journal. 3 perfume samples.

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Stationary- No less than 18 varieties of pen/pencil type things. 1 rubber. 1 ruler. 1 tube of whiteout (the manual paint one) which spilt all over my hands in my last law exam, I looked like I had just strangled a mime. 2 sticky pads, in case I want to stick ‘kick me’ on some poor strangers back ? IDK why I have 2 as neither has ever been used.

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Laptop: 1 laptop in a slightly worse for wear case.

uni 1

Various Food/Sustenance items – 1 water bottle with small residue of water (quality dubious). 1 can of Salmon, no idea how long it has been there… 1 tiny spoon. So TINY ! What is your practical purpose O’ tiny spoon ? 20 varieties of lolly/gum wrappers. 4 varieties of customer loyalty cards to various coffee shops – all very unused.

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My embarrassing hoarder qualities revealed to all, I have shamed myself into a resolution. A resolution to take greater care and become more organised in my uni bag organisation. A resolution to not turn into a jellyfish because my uni bag broke all bones in my body. A resolution to shake off the weight I have accumulated, and yell ‘NO ! YOU WILL NOT SEDUCE ME WITH YOUR MIND CONTROL DEMON !’…. perhaps not ? That’s the thing about resolutions though, they are always created with the best intentions to follow them through. Perhaps you will spot me in a month’s time, trudging around campus carrying my house on my back because it is the only way I could take everything I ‘think’ I need to uni. If you see this, ‘DON’T LOOK AT ME !’

how i live

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    olaniyan Olumuyiwa

    Wonderful piece of writing. You actually described not only your uni life and attachments to your uni bag but what happens to an average student on campus. This must have taken a lot of energy from you. I commend your efforts. Good work.

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