It’s the start of a new season; trees are sprouting greenery, flowers are blossoming, birds are chirping, the air is filled with something that smells vaguely familiar… ssh, close your eyes, take a good whiff. What’s that smell?… Ah, that’s it. It’s the smell of a clean slate. With a dash of hope, a hint of change and a sprinkling of deluded optimism.
It’s that time of the year, boys and girls and undecideds. Now, I’m not talking about that “join a gym”, “go paleo” clean slate codswallop (cause we all know come day three of said new lifestyle you’ll be back stuffing your face with paleo-prohibited dairy products and avoiding the gym like the plague). No, I’m talking about the start of a new semester.
Whether you’re an uncorrupted, optimistic freshman or a fourth-year about to tackle their final semester while trying to get in the QUT spirit and ready themselves for the real world (thanks, QUT), there’s nothing quite like the start of a zesty fresh semester.
You may have spent your break working a minimum wage hospitality job, or you may have spent it in the lap of luxury somewhere tropical (you lucky bastard). Either way, it’s back to the grind, folks.
So, without further ado, here is my guide to navigating those crucial first weeks of a new semester:
- If you are as socially defunct as me (woo for being awkward and lacking social awareness), week 1 poses an excellent opportunity for you to try on that new “cool” persona.
- Hit up Officeworks for those back 2 school bargains.
- Crack out the freshly-purchased, top of the range stationary items to impress all your fellow classmates. That’s right, who’s the cool kid now? You are, my friend.
- Scope out the lecture theatre for potential hotties and pray they’re in your tutorial next week.
- If all else fails, just say “hi” to the person sitting next to you (no sitting at the back isolated from any human interaction) and introduce yourself.
- Tutorial time! Now is the time to really test out that new “cool” persona we tried on earlier. See how it fits, take it for a spin. Ooo girl, it suits you!
- Tutorial time also means… time to develop some inappropriate crushes on our tutors! (just kidding… but not really)
- Accept that your married tutor will never love you back and settle your attention on the decent girl/guy next to you.
- All jokes aside, actually listen to what the tutor has to say, they’re usually pretty equipped to guide you through the semester and will probably give out some handy hints and tips in the first tutorial.
- Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim, SWIM.
- The thrill of the new stationary may have worn off but don’t give up now, folks, we’re just getting to the good stuff.
- By good stuff, I mean don’t stop attending lectures and tutorials now because it’s almost ASSESSMENT TIME dun dun dunnnnnn.
And that’s as far as I’ve gotten. I struggle to maintain that new semester buzz after week 3. But we all know you’re a far superior creature to me, and therefore you will attend all your lectures and tutorials and take all the notes and do all the readings and attend all the help sessions like a good boy/girl. Yes? Yes.
All wishful thinking aside, enjoy dem new semester feels while they last. Because before you know it, it’ll be Week 6 and you’re lucky enough to make it to a tutorial, let alone a lecture. Then BAM (and the dirt is gone… heh) suddenly it’s Week 11 and you’ve mastered the art of tricking everyone around you into thinking you’re a functioning human being while really surviving on four coffees a day, highlighting missed lecture notes like a toddler with a crayon and praying to God, please get me through exam block I promise it’ll be different next semester.