There’s always that myth going around that we only use ten per cent of brains capacity, me being the highly qualified scientist that I am (not), have this theory that during those two days before a very important exam, a little man in your head gets out of his chair and walks to this huge machine called your brain. I can imagine it being this huge intricate system with flashing lights and it making a whirring sound. There’s this huge keyboard looking thing and on it is two huge buttons. A shiny green button and an even shinier red button, which one does that little man press?
Green: The little man pushes the green button and the machine roars into life. A message is sent to all parts of your body that says “OMG exam, all hands on deck!” Of course however there are parts of your body like your legs, eyes and stomach that just say back “cool story bro”, but eventually everything is moving and the usage meter on that machine up top is in the high nineties. You’re up out of bed at lightning speed and your textbook pages are flying, your eyes dart over every word and get stored into your memory. The cries from your rumbling stomach and the screams from your hand cramps are masked by the scribbling siren of your pen and the slurping of your coffee. Your brain sends a small wi-fi message to your computer that tells facebook and tumblr to take a small holiday. Your mobile automatically goes on silent and watches quietly beside you. Everything around you melts away leaving only your notebook and textbook, your head turns into a sponge and you soak the liquid textbooks up slowly. The day of the examination you finish 10min early and you have enough time to wonder what it would be like to be at Hogwarts. The little man up top smiles and hits a secret button called “Party”.
Red: The little man wipes the sleep from his eyes and yawns. His arm stretches out to the green button, but he is so tired he stumbles and hits the red button. The machines’ whirring softens and the lights fade. A little message is sent to your body saying “don’t worry guys, I’ve hit snooze”. The sound of your alarm rings in your ears and you slowly get up out of bed. You check your phone and its 3 hours later than you planned on getting up. You crawl to your desk and are immediately absorbed into your chair. Your eyes flutter and another yawn escapes your lungs. Your computer is still on from last night and you decide to check your facebook. Friend requests, event invites, join a couple of funny pages, stalk some people, check your inbox, stalk some people, comment some photos and a status. Then you check the time and it’s been an hour. Your stomach growls at you for neglecting its needs. You’ve become a hungry, hungry hippo and decide food then study. Its night time now and you’re just sitting down to your textbooks. Before you know it the exam has come round. You barely have enough time to finish and the answers you wrote are…. Well they’re not answers to anything on the exam. On your way out you curse the lecturer in your head and call him a muggle. Giggling to yourself at how funny you are just makes everyone look at you awkwardly; you get on the bus and fall asleep again. The little man in your head hits the “eject” button and leaves a note saying “sorry bro, your own your own now *sad face*”.
Moral of the story is don’t leave your study to the last minute, have three decent meals so you’re not starving, get a really good night sleep the week of the exam which means don’t watch all 8 Harry potter movies the night before and don’t laugh at your own jokes too much. Follow these easy rules, and that little man upstairs will definitely hit that shiny green button.