Yeah, so things have been hectic.
While I know a lot more about independent journalism than I did six months ago, my bank account has shrunk. Like, zero. We all talk about being broke, but this time… it really happened.
I only have myself to blame. I take a lot of cabs, I like to smoke cigarettes (totally quitting though), and I bought a $200 pair of shoes last month. Oh but they were on sale – plus, I actually do wear them every.single.where. It just sucks because it’s not like I spend spend. Right? Right, but I’m partially unemployed.
I work as relief teller for a bank, but shifts are irregular as hell and during this time I thought: hey no worries, credit card! let’s just use you for a while until momma can afford a real meal. But obviously things snowballed out of my control. So, today, I found myself – you guessed it – in the Equity Office, applying for food vouchers.
It’s kind of funny – I didn’t think I’d have any pride or be upset about these things, but I had a bit of a Kleenex moment in the room with Hugh the Counsellor. He assured me, students are one of the poorest demographics in Australia. Told me I was doing a great job – I’ve been applying for gazillions of jobs (the worst part is that I have a great resume, and yet the hiring process is so lag it’s ridiculous), as well as calling Centrelink for me and asking them what the hell was going on with my application. It is looking like they will give me a positive response, and so I am feeling a lot better – but the bills keep mounting, and I just feel like I’m “irresponsible” and “reckless” and “immature”.
In a way I am. I go out every weekend because the thought of staying home is a nightmare in itself. Plus, I actually have to go out most of the times because I do live band coverage for street press. So, you know, a girl has gotta do her thing. But then there’s taxis. And there’s drinks. And buying Grain Waves for your drunk friends, etc. But at the same time, I don’t feel like it’s a “lifestyle” that I have to grow out of – I’ve thought of this a lot. Bands, and social stuff – this is what I like to do. This is my element. And though it is taking some time for me to profit from these activities, if you will, it is slowly happening. And I believe in this “lifestyle”. People do make money in this field! I believe great ideas can result from unexpected encounters and experiencing a bunch of stuff you would normally not. I think participating in Brisbane’s “music scene”, if you really want to label it, is important. So this is why I go out but it is also why I feel “guilty”.
There’s also the fact my parents live overseas and Mum will always bail me out of my pickles. It sucks because that’s not how I want things to be anymore. So I stopped asking for help even though most of the times I really need it. So yes, I went to the Student Services and got the food vouchers and had a cry. It was wonderful and they even helped me out with emergency moneys, which I will be able to use for more immediate expenses. And on my way out, I saw this Italian exchange student leaving one of the offices with a bloated sad face and I thought to myself, you know what, there are bigger problems going on right here. At least I felt at home in Brisbane from day one. And that’s what matters.
PS. Anyone (that is a student) can go to the Student Services and have a cry whenever. I recommend the experience as cleansing for the soul.